Can a man and a woman ever be best friends?

CAN a man and a woman ever be best friends? This is one pertinent question that keeps popping up over and over again. It was first put out perhaps for public scrutiny in When Harry Met Sally. The hugely popular hit was then followed by My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) and Hum Tum in India (a desi remake of When Harry Met Sally) in 2004.

India’s GenNow got introduced to the question with the Imran Khan-Genelia D’Souza starrer Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Naa (2009). This year we have Friends With Benefits claiming friendship is a four- letter word. In short, they say a man and a woman can never be friends — as for being best friends, that’s a distant dream.

Yet outside the celluloid world, relationships are far more complicated. The roles being played out in the real world are not bound by a script. Real people fail to understand what movies preach and confuse love with friendship and vice versa. Relationship experts say having a best friend from the opposite sex is one of the main reasons marriages are failing these days.

"When two people from the opposite sex get emotionally close to each other, at least one of them is bound to get attracted to the other and this can cause problems if they are married to different people,” says Dr Kamal Khurana, relationship counsellor, Purple Alley.

MY WIFE’S BEST FRIEND

EDWIN Fernandes ( name changed), a creative director with an advertising agency, is right now going through a divorce and has only himself to blame for it. His story got complicated after his best friend became his wife’s best friend: “ I used to run to my best friend for every problem in my marriage. Consequently, my wife started doing the same. Slowly she got dependant on him emotionally and then she fell in love with him.” With society opening up to having friends from the opposite sex, are we emotionally intelligent enough to handle all these relationships? Not quite, says Dr Rachna Singh, lifestyle expert, Artemis Hospital. “The real problem starts when you are married and have a best friend from the opposite sex. The definition of a best friend overlaps into the definition of a spouse. And then there is a conflict,” says Singh.

A friendship is about companionship, trust and love. And a marriage is about companionship, trust, love and sex. The Sword is the only distinguishing factor. “ In such triangular relationships jealousy creeps causing a conflict,” says Singh.

WHEN TO LET GO

MANISHA Dhar, 28, an account manager with a PR firm, was puzzled when her college buddy and best friend stopped taking her calls or replying to her text messages. All she got after two months of silence was an email invitation for his wedding – that too a day before the wedding.

“A common friend told me his fiancée felt insecure when she found him even talking to someone from the opposite sex. Obviously she wasn’t too comfortable with him discussing his life and sharing all his secrets with me,” says Dhar, who couldn’t make it to the wedding after all. “ I was very happy for him. After all he was one of my best friends. We used to talk over the phone for hours in college discussing everything under the sun. And when I say everything it included sex lives.” Dhar admits if the two hadn’t fallen in love with different people, they might have ended up marrying each other. “ We had a sort of a back- up pact like in My Best Friend’s Wedding .” But unlike Julia Roberts in the film, Dhar isn’t much perturbed though. “I have found a new best friend in my husband. But I hope my friend grows up soon,” she says. Relationship therapists term Dhar’s ‘ letting go’ act to be the wisest thing to do.

Dr Khurana says such situations should be dealt with maturity.

“Equations change after marriage. Your spouse becomes your 24x7 best friend. If you are seeking emotional support from another best friend from the opposite sex outside your marriage you are not being fair to your partner,” he says.

THE BALANCING ART

MARRIAGE counsellor, Anu Goel, who counselled Fernandes says married people can afford to have best friends from the opposite sex but there’s a rider attached. “ The relationship with the spouse should be very strong. The trust level between the partners should be high.

And both the husband and wife should know where to draw the line. Otherwise it’s not too difficult to have an extra marital affair these days. It’s as easy as blinking!” says Goel.

Ujjawal Suri, 28, a Delhi- based software professional, who is single in the city has many close male friends who are married. “ If you’re a good friend you will take care not to ruin your friend’s marriage,” says Suri, admitting that equations change after marriage.

“You can’t call up your friend in the middle of the night any more, for instance,” he says.

The best way out is to befriend the spouse as well. “ I make sure I have a good equation with the husband too. That way I have two people to turn to, and to get a female as well as male point of view,” says Suri.

GENDER DOES MATTER

Interestingly, Dr Khurana feels discussing marital problems with your best friend amounts to emotional cheating.

“You should first sort it out with your partner. The moment you start giving precedence to your best friend over your spouse, you should know there is something wrong. I consider it emotional cheating,” says Khurana.

Primacy does lie with your spouse — your pillar of support in good times and bad.

Top 25 reasons to get running

Running is one of the best forms of exercise, not only for getting fit but for weight control too. A 30-minute run, three to four times a week, trims your waistline, strengthens the cardiovascular system, improves muscle tone and definition and helps foster a positive mental attitude. Running can also be a great social activity. Here are the top 25 tips on why you should start running today.

1. Running is the quickest way to cardiovascular fitness. You get fitter faster by running regularly.

2. Running is one of the cheapest forms of exercising. You only need a pair of running shoes and shorts and T-shirt to get started.

3. Running is easy to learn. Most people have run at some point in their life, either competitively or at school/college, so there is no steep learning curve involved.

4. Running makes you feel good, not only physically, but mentally as well.

5. Running is excellent for reducing stress levels. There is nothing better than a run to clear your head and concentrate the mind. Many great ideas have been formulated on training runs.

6. Running is one of the most flexible methods of training around. Wherever you are in the world, it is nearly always possible to get out for a run. You can jog, steady run or sprint depending on how you feel that particular day.

7. Running is good for your heart. It not only strengthens the heart but also reduces the actual resting heart rate.

8. Running is accessible to all. As long as you are physically able, you can go for a run virtually anytime and anywhere. There are no race barriers to running.

9. Running helps you to lose weight and tone muscles. The more your train and run, the more weight you will lose. Also by toning up, you are getting rid of the excess fat and converting it to muscle.

10. Running is for people of all ages. Old or young, everyone can benefit from running.

11. It is good for your sex life! By being more physically active you increase your sex drive.

12. When run training, you can get away with eating chocolate and legitimately say it is part of yourtraining program.

13. Running is a great way to recover from a hangover. A run will help clear your head faster than sitting around feeling terrible.

14. Running is a great safety aid. Being able to run away from people puts you in a much better position if you are chased.

15. You can use running to change other people's lives. Run for a charity and raise money to help the needy or less able.

16. Running with friends gives you time to catch up on gossip and get fit at the same time.

17. Running is a time-efficient way to get fit and lose weight so you have more free time after exercising to enjoy yourself.

18. Running is a challenge that can be motivational and bring great personal satisfaction.

19. Running is a great way to see a new place if you have limited time available for sightseeing. Just think how much more of a place you can see when running around it compared to walking.

20. Running improves your concentration as you are forced to concentrate more when running. This in turn improves your concentration when you have to focus in other areas of life.

21. You nearly always work better after a run because you are still on a runner's high and feel ready for anything.

22. Running is a great way to meet people, especially if you join a club or enter a race.

23. There are no monthly subscriptions with running. You just put your running shoes on and go.

24. Endurance built-up through running can be transferred to other sports.

25. If you drink alcohol you can just run a little bit further the next day to work off the extra calories.

Diabetic? Forget pills, pop almonds

IANS Jun 29, 2011, 12.00am IST

Tags:

• diabetes

As India grapples with a major public health problem, being home to an estimated 50.8 million diabetic population, the largest in the world, experts say "consuming a few almonds daily can help combat the lifestyle disease."

"Eating almonds has a positive effect on reducing low density cholesterol and also improves insulin sensitivity; so it does help in pushing diabetes away," says Ritesh Gupta, head of clinical operation at Fortis C-Doc Hospital.

"It is a healthy source of fibre, protein and calories and has been found to have a positive effect in reducing bad cholesterol and improved insulin sensitivity," Gupta told.

Diabetes is caused when there is deficiency of insulin hormone, which controls blood sugar level. Its symptoms include fatigue, excessive thirst and frequent urination.

"With an estimated 50.8 million people living with the disease, India has the world's largest population of diabetics in the world, followed by China with 43.2 million," says the World Health Organisation(WHO).

The number in India is expected to go up to 87 million - 8.4 per cent of the country's adult population - by 2030.

With India staring at a major public health threat due to diabetes and other lifestyle diseases, almond is now being hailed as the health nut.

"Indians are more prone to lifestyle diseases like diabetes. The increasingly sedentary lifestyle and fast food double up the risk. Almond, which has traditionally been part of our diet, is a high source of nutrition and helps push these diseases away," says Anoop Misra, director of Diabetes Foundation (India).

"A handful of almonds contain 164 calories and 7 gm of protein, which helps in fighting hunger pangs and helps you control what you eat. Almonds also help growing children in developing strong bones," he adds.

A study done by scholars from the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey, West Chester University, Pennsylvania, and Loma Linda University of California, all in the US, and published in theJournal of the American College of Nutrition also confirms that the nut can control diabetes if consumed regularly.

"A diet consisting of 20 per cent of calories as almonds over a 16-week period is effective in improving markers of insulin sensitivity and yields clinically significant improvements in LDL-C (low density lipoprotein cholesterol) in adults with pre-diabetes," the study said.